Hey, we all need protection, right? Here's 95 funny condom slogans from condomslogans.com. The list was actually a lot longer, but I narrowed it down to what I thought was funny, or at least, reasonable.

1) Before you attack her, wrap your whacker
2) Don't be silly, protect your Willie
3) Don't be a loner, cover your boner
4) You can't go wrong, if you shield your dong
5) If your not going to sack it, go home and whack it
6) If you think she's spunky, cover your monkey
7) She won't get sick if you wrap your dick
8) If you go into heat, package your meat
9) While your undressing Venus, dress up your penis
10) Especially in December, gift wrap your member
11) Never ever deck her, with an unwrapped pecker
12) Wrap it in foil, before you check her oil
13) Don't make a mistake, cover your snake
14) Sex is cleaner with a packaged wiener
15) No glove, no love
16) If you think she'll sigh, cover old one eye
17) Even If she's eager, protect her beaver
18) Shield her from the hunt until you shoot her in the cunt
19) The weasel you must surround before you place her on the ground
20) Cloak the joker before you poke her
21) Cape your throbber before you bob her
22) Cover that lumber before you pump her
23) Put your dog in the pound and make her yelp like a hound
24) Shelter your jerky then nab that turkey
25) Cage that snake then shake and bake
26) Don't be a fool cover your tool
27) Stitch that switch then itch her niche
28) Wrap that tool to catch the drool
29) It ain't no jibe to protect her hive
30) Restrain your log then plow her bog
31) Condomize then womanize (or sodomize)
32) Cover old pete then grind her meat
33) Wrap your bate before you mate
34) Cover your pipe you dumb ass wipe
35) Contain your lizard then tickle her gizzard
36) Cover your vein then drive her insane
37) Wrap that spout then bore her out

38) Guard your bridge then do her ridge
39) Shroud your trout then make her shout
40) To make her squat like a turkey, cover your Jerky
41) Contain that bass for a swim in her glass
42) Be sure to wear it to feed her ferret
43) Got no protection? Can't use your erection!

44) Cork your pump or you don't hump
45) Cap that seeder before you breed her
46) Stop the stream before you cream
47) Secure that ladder then drain your bladder
48) Protect your screw to catch that glue
49) Holster your gun then shootings more fun
50) Canvas that trailer before you nail her
51) Net that grass hopper before you pop her
52) Pen that rooster, she'll be much looser
53) Garnish your oak then give her a poke
54) Restrain your hammer then wam bam her
55) Prune that stalk then make her squawk
56) Wrap that rod then please her bod
57) Sheath that knife she ain't your wife
58) Cover your diddle then fiddle her middle
59) Can your knob then throb her swab
60) Contain old Doug then clean her rug
61) Cover your limb before you swim
62) Rope your dope then make some soap
63) Wrap that Steed then trample her weeds
64) Hat that chef then scramble her cleft

65) Cover your stone before you bone
66) House your hose then curl her toes
67) Blanket your twitch then hump that bitch
68) Shield your rocks then pond her box
69) Glove your chimney before you come in me
70) If your nude tube your dude
71) Cloak your hitter then go split her
72) Wrap your nipper before you dip her
73) Can your spam then bam that mam
74) Corral your ram then slice her ham
75) Sheath your sliver then jab her liver
76) Twist your wick then stick that prick
77) Shed old spot then do her slot
78) Drawer your pip then split her lips
79) Contain that leach then mash her peach
80) Bag your elm then take the helm
81) Constrain your gem to catch the flem
82) Catch that head cheese or I won't spread these
83) Survey your land then plant her stand
84) Before you drive her protect that diver
85) Sack that slimy smelt then tan her beaver pelt
86) Wrap that stiffer then let him sniff her
87) Balloon your baboon the moon tune her poon
88) Contain that viper before you pipe her
89) Wrap your whopper, then go bop her
90) Protect your cock with the sock.
91) Slip it on before you slip it in.
92) Don't leave it to God, cover your rod.
93) Do a good deed, don't spill your seed.
94) Wrap Mr. Clean then introduce her spleen
95) Dam your giver then fill her quiver