I was reading various stories (and yes, I do read… well, sometimes) and I saw this story about a man ‘attempting to have sex with a fence.’ Yes, a real fence. I mean, there’s no other type of fence that I know about.

But apparently, this drunken man broke into a central London park to attempt to have sex with a fence. His name was Daniel French, 24, who was challenged by the police when it had happened.

According to the prosecutor, Philip Lemoine, “He said words to the effect of: I’m going to have sex with that fence’.”

He goes on to mention, “The gardens were locked and police had asked French to leave. He was drunk and there were some sexual motions – drunken silliness – to the railing.”

Okay, fine. At least there was an excuse – he was drunk! Do I have to reach into my goodie bag and show you pictures of drunk people at their worst? I thought so.

But after being accused of having sex with a fence, French tells his side of the story.

“That’s not right at all about the fence. I was surrounded by three big police officers. I felt I was being bullied and wanted to go home. They were pushing me against the fence and trying to provoke me.”

French only had to serve the time he spent in custody since his arrest.

So the moral of the story – wait, there’s a couple – don’t get drunk near fences because they may take advantage of you. Don’t get drunk around police officers cause they’re find a fence and take advantage of you. Make sure you use protection, even with a fence. Lastly, people will do stupid things… even without being drunk.

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